In this final installment of football gold we take a look at the last few core
squad players and those on fringes of greatness. If you missed them: PART 1 and
PART 2
Benny
‘Le Tiss’ Everitt
A freak injury has cut this Southampton mad naturists season short.
Unperturbed, Benny keeps himself in the thick of the action by providing the
rest of the team with the best football related YouTube videos the internet has
to offer (on WK time).
Matt
‘Bottler Bale’ Simpson
Perhaps it’s his East London take on Marouane Fellaini’s hair that’s causing
him problems. Getting in his eyes at crucial times, because Simpson is a
notorious fouler, or worse, a bottler of challenges.
On the rare occasion that he’s had his
Weetabix, he can hit the 7 out of 10 mark, but like his beloved Tottenham, he’s
a classic waste of talent.
Matt
‘Marc Antoine Fortune’ Hayward
With no ego in sight, this committed Baggie goes
about his business on his pitch with quiet determination. A tough defender, his
confidence on the ball has grown alongside his marvelous beard. A shoe-in for
‘Best Team Player’ at the end of the year.
Will
Hooke
Imagine a ‘prototypical creative technologist’ playing football. That.
Michael
Bow
Like Wilfred Zaha, if Wilfred Zaha was good at design.
Nick
Gold
Spends most of the time on the floor. Has to stretch for 48 hours before
playing.
Al
McCrossen
Has moved to Portland where he plays football with something called ‘girls’.
Jonny
Plackett
Can Plackett hack it on the football pitch? Yes, yes he can.
Luke
Tipping
Has abandoned the team to concentrate on his own ‘Top Tips’ venture.
Age
Conte
Played once, got man of the match, never played again. Baller.
Milo
Carter
Spent a long time getting in the squad, then moved to Clapham.
David
Goss
David has taken time out from liking every photo on Instagram to play football
with the lads a couple of times. Pure energy.
