What is it about perfume ads featuring Hollywood A-listers? There really is nothing to touch them for pompous, pretentious bollocks. As soon as they sign the megastar, everyone seems to lose their minds and think it's a great idea to have the star spout some  grandiloquent nonsense.

The latest example is Johnny Depp for Dior.

Johnny pretends to play guitar, then drives into the desert to spend an afternoon digging holes. But that's just a symbol. He's actually searching for his MOJO.

"I've gotta get out of here. Which way? I don't know. What am I looking for? Something I can't see." It's no surprise he can't spot his Mojo, he hasn't even noticed that someone's put a wolf on top of his car. Perhaps he can't see it because he's got so much eyeliner in his eyes.

It's a brilliantly ludicrous performance by Johnny Depp but, ridiculous though this ad is, it doesn't come close to touching the classic of the genre – Brad Pitt for Chanel. 

"It's not a journey. Every journey ends but we go on…. Plans disappear, dreams take over…But wherever I go, there you are. My luck, my fate my fortune. Chanel number 5. Inevitable."

Brad and Johnny both seem to be lost in lives without purpose. Why are they so sad? Where is the buffalo going? Why does the world turn? What does it all mean? Buy some of our perfume and you too can feel lost.