Every now and then, we get a stonker of an unsolicited application. Here's one just in (name changed but otherwise unaltered):

Hello ?

Somebody sseer ?

OK, I will start… So, here I am. Yes.

Misha is the name. Misha, yes … It is only written with "sh" as in french France, they do not have the "sch". Did you know that ? I didn't, before I heard of. They also heaven, no — havn' — have not gott (damned) "got" the "W". Did you know that ? Thsi is why my sirname at the end is written with "ff". Ja, Ja, that's what it is like… And you ? How are you doing ?

Here, it's fine, so long. Quite warm today, nearly 20 Celsiusses (or "Celsi" ?) imagine this one. Went biking for 2 hours… Oh, "cycling", moreuber, Sorry ! My English sacks a bit. But my prrronauncaician is qwite fine — rreelly now !

Hm, what did I want ? Oh, yes: Ahm (this is German for "Er"), so you guys are running a firm that tries to make such things like — publi…advent…publi-commarketing — such stuff ?

Becaouse, I kuutt be tempted to give it a try as well. Oh, Yes. Yes, Yes, Yes… I ssought ssatt maybe for maquing for you, and your companies you work for as well, clear, so to say that perhaps, if you do not mind, only, for sure ! To make my point rather earlier than later, I had the idea becom — to — for (?) becoming, no: getting for you a — Copywriter ? (Finally !) Hmm ? Would this amuse you a bit, maybe ?

 Becaouaose I am have true super idears, ErHmmm ! Funny ones. All my friends always luuf about me. And ssey call me "The Enabler". Yes, Yes, Yes… Kuutt I has ssis tytle on my name-ticket ?

 Come on, you DO want to hire me, right ? 🙂 Ssis is no problem, london*, you are not allone, we tschust had to having has to neg…talk about all the money I want to have from you.

*Is it allowed to have sis prename in London ?

You must not have to… You do not… I expect… I have time, so don't… You know what I mean ?

 Now I am a bit exh–ATCHOOO ! (Wait a second…TRUMPEEEEET !!! Sorry, I have a cold cuff)…a bit flat (plat ? plat-flat ?) me am now, from sis masterpeace hier.

 So, Oh ! time is overtooking me, the counter in this internet cafe without cafe says that…10 seconds, Oh my God, london, I am waiting for your r… [PLOPP !]