Genuine customer email to Arla about our Cravendale campaign:

What the hell are these Cravendale adverts all about? Were you all high when
you dreamt up this stuff?  You have some guy that likes to ride a bike living with a pirate and a cow. What kind of a household is this? Are the cyclist and the pirate a couple? Is the cow their pet? What is going on here? Are these people employed? Your protagonists appear to live on a farm, but I fail to see how cycling or piracy might adequately equip a person with the skills required to successfully run a farm. To find out more, I contacted five farmers and asked them. Three of out five owned bicycles, but none could think of a way in which this aided their farming. Not one of them had ever dabbled in piracy.
And since when did cows drink milk? This simply doesn’t make any sense.
What’s next for your advertising team? Maybe they could promote pork products by showing us a pig tucking into a bacon sandwich.
A more troubling aspect of your ‘last glass’ advert is that the moment the pirate wakes up he screams ‘Milk! Milk!’ This is patently a sign of addiction. This view is supported by the events that take place in your new ‘out of stock’ advert where the unavailability of milk at the local supermarket drives your characters to hijack a delivery van in order to obtain their lactose fix. Is it reasonable that the pursuit of milk should turn people to criminality? I for one do not think so. All you need to advertise milk is a celebrity of some sort with a big smile, a white ‘milk moustache’ and an empty glass in front of them. What could be more wholesome than that?
                  
Yours sincerely,

xxxxx

Well, we do say that we ‘re here to create ‘strong and provocative relationships between good companies and their customers’. Job done for one Cravendale customer.