These just released from the archives of W+K head office in Portland.

—–Original Message—–
From: Dan Wieden
Sent: Thu 16/12/1999 06:13
To: W&K Portland
Subject: This is going to be one hell of a party.

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.

We have no idea what this evening will bring, but from the buzz in the office and from the far corners of the world it could be epic. I ran into Earnest in NYC last night. A lost soul who is hurrying back to where he once belonged. He said, "Dan, are you prepared for this? Dan, I mean are you PREPARED for this? People in the City are calling it the Y2K scrimmage. Me? I know it is like semi-formal, but I’m wearing a big orange jump suit with my blood type printed on the back."

Okay….

Clearly, no one will forget what we do here tonight. Well, actually, I suppose large numbers may be unable to recall much at all. And for those of you kind of new to the these events let me just say that this agency has an uncanny ability to drive a party right to the brink, teeter there for a moment, laugh or vomit or cry and then scoot back into the warm arms of pseudo-reality. It is a lost art, but a damn fine one.

But we are going to take cabs tonight. If there is even the slightest doubt, we are going to put our butts in cabs and crawl safely into bed. This is not up for debate, this is about living. And letting others live.

This is the "Goodbye Dekum" party. And we should also be nice to this old building. She has seen us at our worst and at our very very best. She knows, but she don’t tell. I think it would be only good karma to show this ancient lady some respect. So, we’re going to do that too.

Other than that, have some serious fun. We are taking our leave and God only knows where we are actually going.

Ain’t that a bitch?

-D

From:   Brant Mau

Sent:   Thursday, June 11, 1998 12:02 PM

To:     W&K Portland

Subject:        Join My Flock

I am starting a cult and am
currently looking for disciples. Ideally, I would like to have 400-450
followers by July, but I am willing to make do with 25 or so fanatics
until things get off the ground. Is this something you might be
interested in? Could you picture yourself as part of a fun, interesting
social group devoted to a clearly-defined set of pseudo-religious
principles? If so, then read on.

As of yet, no name has been
selected for the organization. I’m thinking of something along the
lines of "The Sacred Order of All That Is", which we’re currently
running through legal for trademark clearance. "The Chosen Many" has
also garnered much internal support, but my fear is that it’ll come off
as "gimmicky" which is the kiss of death for any self-respecting cult.

Naturally, I will be the
leader/messiah because it was my idea. This is only fair. I assure you,
however, that I am infinitely qualified for the position and that, over
time, you will come to worship and adore me as much, if not more than
any other cult leader/messiah. I am very compassionate and
understanding and have unusual hair. Soon you will find yourself
pulling all sorts of crazy stunts at my behest, and loving every minute
of it.

But let’s get down to the nuts and bolts: What do I believe in?
I have settled on a few basic truths, which I have entitled The Few
Basic Truths. These are as follows, and should be memorized immediately:

a.) Society is a congregation of
Evil and should be avoided at all costs, except for things like picking
up the groceries or taking the car in for a tune-up.

b.) Life is finite. This is a very
important metaphysical concept that places our day-to-day activities in
a proper historical context, and, more importantly, justifies the
various orgies I am envisioning on our ranch. (More on this later.
There may be zoning violations of which I am unaware.)

c.)All that Is, Is. All that Isn’t, Isn’t. Isn’t that all there Is?

Anyway, that’s where I am with
that. You can appreciate that the organizational details are taking
away a lot of My precious time, so I haven’t been able to sit down and
hammer out any sort of cohesive doctrine yet. Trust me, though, it will
come and it will be good.

As for our meeting place (i.e.,
our Compound) I am currently pricing out ranches in Gresham. Something
reasonably remote, but not so far away that we won’t be able to pop
into town for a movie every now and then. Until then, we’ll be having
our meetings at the Food Court in Pioneer Square. Dress is casual, as
in, completely nude. Please note, I am exempt from the whole nudity
thing because (1.) I am the Messiah and (2.) I am ashamed of my penis
and don’t like it being viewed publicly. But enough on that.

Now, if you’ve never been in a
cult before, it’s natural that you’d be a little wary. I assure you,
though, it’s much simpler than you’d expect. Just follow these easy
steps:

1.) Attend a few meetings. Get to
feel comfortable with the cult and our members. We’re not trying to
pressure you into anything, and we certainly won’t brainwash you. We’re
not trying to pressure you into anything, and we certainly won’t
brainwash you. We’re not trying to pressure you into anything, and we
certainly won’t brainwash you. 

2.) Sign up. At this point, you
will be asked to make a nominal donation of all your Earthly Belongings
and any property that you may own. You are also responsible for
bringing your own beer.

3.) Congratulations. You’re now one of us.

See, that wasn’t hard at all, was
it? So, if you’re looking for something fun to do this summer, join my
cult. I look forward to teaching you all about The Many Things, and
saving you all from yourselves.

Yours truly;

The Messiah

P.S. Keep September 15th open.

     —–Original Message—–
    From:     Gwen Nelson 
    Sent:    Friday, September 29, 2000 1:33 PM
    To:    W+K Portland
    Subject:    RE:  WATCH FOUND!!!!!!

    There was a watch found in the back of our building. Blue Hour has
been notified as well. If you have lost a watch please come and
describe to claim at the front desk.

 —–Original Message—–
From: Brant Mau
Sent: Fri 29/09/2000 21:38
To: Gwen Nelson; W+K Portland
Subject: RE: RE:  WATCH FOUND!!!!!!

it is roundish with the numbers one to twelve running around the edges, plus two "hands" (one of which is shorter than the other). 
 
—–Original Message—–
From: Jeff Kling
Sent: Thu 09/03/2000 01:42
To: W&K Portland
Subject: FW: i hate to complain.  but…

…does anyone else have a beef with the powdered hand soap?  it seems at first like a wonderful throwback.  a nod to simpler times, when industry’s need for clean hands outstripped science’s knowledge of liquid cleansers. good intentions supplied the new bathrooms in our new building with this old soap, and, along with all the old furniture, it seems to fit well within the old/new scheme.  but let me tell you:  this powdered soap is not a good idea.  like spit in dirt, it resists water.  it balls up in the wet hand and shoots out all over one’s pants, leaving one’s pantleg covered in this white globular muck that–oh, wait.  that’s not soap. 

never mind.

   —–Original Message—–
            From:    Melanie Myers
            Sent:    Tuesday, September 19, 2000 12:19 PM
            To:    Dan Wieden
            Subject:    Dan

            I have a CD meeting scheduled for this Thursday at 10:00.
John Jay will be joining us as well. Do you want to go over an agenda
and should Susan be a part of that or not?

        —–Original Message—–
        From:    Dan Wieden
        Sent:    Tuesday, September 19, 2000 2:11 PM
        To:    Melanie Myers
        Subject:    RE: Dan

        Why the hard questions?

    —–Original Message—–
    From:    Melanie Myers
    Sent:    Tuesday, September 19, 2000 2:28 PM
    To:    Dan Wieden
    Subject:    RE: Dan

    Because you are DAN WIEDEN, for Christ’s sake. YOU should have ALL the answers at ALL times.

—–Original Message—–
From: Dan Wieden
Sent: Wed 20/09/2000 00:27
To: Melanie Myers
Subject: RE: Dan

Because I am Dan Wieden I have all the answers, I have them all the time, but I also have no obligation to pass them along.

Just so you know.

-D

———-
    From:     Larry Frey
    Sent:     Tuesday, March 24, 1998 4:42 AM
    To:     W&K New York; W&K Portland; Everybody in Amsterdam
    Subject:     Been to Eastern Nepal?
 
        I know I’ll regret sending this E-mail because of all the flotsam and jetsam I’m going to get but I’ll ask it anyway.
        I’m going to Eastern Nepal from April 3rd to the 19th. I’ll be
hiking from Lakla (about 80km east of Katmandu) to Everest base camp.
        I’ve read a quite a bit and talked to some people so I’m pretty
up to speed but I’d like to know if anyone has been there and if so,
can you recommend a favorite porter, guide, yak, tea house, monastery,
dealer, etc.
        Thanks, I think.

—–Original Message—–
From: Stacy Wall
Sent: Tue 24/03/1998 14:06
To: W&K New York; W&K Portland; Everybody in Amsterdam; Larry Frey
Subject: RE: Been to Eastern Nepal?

Larry,

My favorite Yak:  Old Blue.  A real sweet animal.  And strong as a, well, an ox.
Favorite Guide: Vishku from Mystic Tours.  This guy knows all the best short-cuts, and he makes a great Cobb salad.
Teahouse:  They’re all really good.  But Krishvani Sunrise has the least amount of human waste dumping under their back deck, so I’ll give them the nod.
Monastery:  A real toss-up, but overall, you can’t beat the Spectravision at Luom Kur Monastery.  Stay away from the room service cheese fries though.
Boy oh boy was that a mistake.

Hope this helps.
Have a great time.

Wall